Linking TUF 8

What was the ultimate fighter like before he was on reality television? What did he look like? How was he different from other fighters? How was he similar?

We can’t really answer these questions because we’ve read the signs and seen the people watching the show. We can’t get outside the aura, because we’re part of it.

Amid this DeLilloan dilemma, mixed martial arts aficionados -- and perhaps the small fractions of key demographics that have opposed “ultimate fighting” till now -- will embark on the eighth season of the sport’s foremost reality series, “The Ultimate Fighter,” this Wednesday on Spike TV.

Unfortunately, while mounting accusations of staleness before the seventh season were partially combated by promises of a revolutionary format change, TUF 8 has no such recourse. Plus, coaches Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir will offer us neither Shamrock-Ortiz level ridiculousness nor “Rampage”-Griffin level chicanery. Disappointingly, this season has been advertised as having the craziest, wackiest, wildest premiere yet, based on Phillipe Nover fainting and Jason Guida getting cramps.

So why should we care about this eighth installment? Forrest Griffin now reigns as the sport’s 205-pound ruler. Rashad Evans is less than two weeks removed from waffling Chuck Liddell with one punch. Michael Bisping will headline a major UFC card in October. And Nathan Diaz and Mac Danzig, a combined 6-0 in the Octagon, are set to be co-featured at UFC Fight Night 15 on Wednesday. If that’s simply not suitable incentive for you, here’s a healthy dose of audio-visual inspiration to ensure Spike TV can count on your ratings points.

Despite his inability to crack the improbable Amir Sadollah, season seven’s golden goose was CB Dollaway. This season’s 205-pound roster features another of Dollaway’s longtime teammates -- undefeated Ryan “Darth” Bader. Groan-inducing nickname aside, Bader, like Dollaway, was an Arizona State University wrestler and became a three-time PAC 10 conference champion and two-time All-American. He now trains out of Arizona Combat Sports, alongside many of his former ASU wrestling compatriots.

If you yourself want to one day be a TUF alum, take note of Bader’s audition video. While his fight highlights are good enough on their own, his willingness to embrace trite notions of frat house boyism probably got him A-listed for the show immediately. However, such vignettes may not be absolutely necessary to get a spot on the show. Peep fellow 205-pound cast member Kyle Kingsbury’s audition tape. I failed to stay awake through all four minutes, but I suspect there’s a single, subliminal frame that pops up around the two-minute mark with “KYLE KINGSBURY IS THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER” imposed over some girl-on-girl action. That or the team at Zuffa made it to the 17-second mark -- when he announces he trains out of the American Kickboxing Academy -- and just put an asterisk by his name.

One of the beauties of TUF is having major team prospects commingling with MMA hopefuls from God knows where.

While the light heavyweight roster features products from AKA, ACS, American Top Team, Team Quest Temecula and Jackson’s Submission Fighting, it also sports the likes of Shane Primm, who trains out of Guardian MMA in Murfreesboro, Tenn. Perhaps the greatest part of small gyms in non-hotbed areas is that they produce hilarious bits of video, like Primm’s MMA debut. It’s like he’s beating up some high school sophomore in third period Phys. Ed. How many jumping knees can one fight have? When Alistair Overeem hits the seminar circuit, that guy should be his demo partner. Also, this school district should be ashamed of its shabby choice in basketball nets.

It’s unfortunate, however, that on the show, we get stock nu-metal jams for the cage walks, as American Top Teamer Tom Lawlor has amassed some quality entrances. Sure, “Kung-Fu Fighting” might be a little played out, but Cutting Crew, along with a fat guy in a singlet and stockings? Also, you can never go wrong with luchadores, even if it is territory in which Jason "Mayhem" Miller has already treaded.

On the lightweight side of the cage, one of the fighters who has garnered considerable pre-fight buzz is undefeated Guamaniac (I’m coining this for all Guam prospects from now on) Joe “Hybrid” Duarte. At 25 years old, he’s athletic, dynamic and versatile. The fact that he walks around as high as 190 pounds is always an added bonus, too.

However, in fairness, we should probably call his competition into question. On its own, this fight may be mildly amusing at best; however, a curmudgeonly Kimo Leopoldo on commentary puts this into the upper atmospheres of hilarity. This video leaves me filled with questions. How do major promotions fail to have fight-day weights when random California promotions do? When is Leopoldo going to get another commentary gig? And what’s more atrocious, Duarte’s personalized entrance track or his opponent’s unfortunate fight shorts?

This, however, is extremely impressive. If that feat is not duplicated at least once this season, we’re all getting ripped off.

Undefeated 22-year-old Efrain Escudero is also a coup for the season’s line-up. His stand-up needs some work, but his grappling game, at this point, would be enough to get him victories over some of the chaps Zuffa has employed recently. How excited do you think Zuffa was when it saw this? He’s already nicknamed “El Matador,” but Efrain Escudero is way more Mexican-sounding than Roger Huerta. He’s even fought in Mexico. Win or lose, look for Escudero to be 31-0 in the UFC by the end of 2009. Julio Cesar Chavez, here we come.

Liddell’s teammate, kickboxing convert John Polakowski, has also gotten some attention due to his affiliation with The Pit and an amusing little fight record that consists entirely of his trilogy with mega-madman Olaf Alfonso. If you have never seen their first fight, you have zero excuse for not clicking on this. It’s pantheon-level, must-see MMA. Plus, keep in mind that it was Polakowski’s first MMA fight and came on just hours notice.

The lightweights also give us the best of the leaked promotional footage. Junie Allen Browning is a legitimate talent, and even though he’s only 22, he’s already got enough sense of the game to make Tapout shirt wise cracks. Meanwhile, Jose Aguilar cuts maybe the greatest TUF pre-fight promo ever, dog. Anyone who says they belong in company with Hitler has some stones, bro, especially if his name is Jose Aguilar, dude.

Speaking of “straight up criminal,” how could they leave off Manny Reyes Jr. again? This is the best video on YouTube, hands down. Zuffa should be ashamed.

Sure, “The Ultimate Fighter” may exist in a galaxy far from “as real as it gets.” But even if we have to endure another season in which the on-air product is more fodder for “The Soup” than honest-to-goodness MMA entertainment, this new era in which we’re embedded is not as prickly or affronting as we might have imagined four years ago.

We’ll never get the genuine article on TV, but we still get it in the cage. That’s our line’s end’s end. That means we all get to draw our own conclusions. Are you immensely pleased?

(That’s for you, Mr. Foster Wallace)